Dear fellow bloggers,
I will be back on line on Wednesday. I am out of town for a couple of days doing some consulting work for my brother’s church. Pray that all goes well and that we can see God plant a renewed vision for souls and service in his church leadership.
Pastor John
Daily Devotions
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Current Study: A to Z
Today’s Topic: Deliverance
Today’s Scripture: 2 Corinthians 1:10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us.
In 1972, Jon Voight, Burt Reynolds, Ned Beatty, and Ronny Cox starred in a movie that is still a classic. It was called Deliverance. The stars play the roles of four city men who decide to leave their golf clubs behind for a weekend and take a canoe trip down a rushing river. They weren’t prepared for who they would meet along the river. After a series of encounters with wildlife and wild men which result in two murders, their nightmare is finally over, or so they thought. They may have been physically delivered from their enemies, but the mental terror of what happened will be with them forever, as depicted in the last scene of the movie. We are left with the notion that there is no real deliverance from evil.
Many Christians still live with that notion firmly fixed in their minds. They believe there is a day coming when we will be delivered from evil when we reach the glorious presence of God in Heaven. But for today we must live with it. What a contrast to the words of Jesus when he instructed His disciples to pray – “And lead us not into temptation, but DELIVER us from evil.” Now that doesn’t mean that there won’t be evil around us. It does mean, however, that there can be no evil in us. That means both physically and mentally. The spiritual deliverance from sin found in Jesus Christ can, if we surrender to the fullness of the Holy Spirit, overcome both the flesh and the mind with the deliverance from evil.
The word deliver or one of its forms is used 195 times in the New International Version of the Bible. 53 of those times are in the Psalms alone. Probably my favorite use is in Psalm 91, because it was my mom’s favorite Psalm. It says, “’Because he loves me,’ says the LORD, ‘I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.’” Now that’s deliverance. God is with us in our trouble. He will deliver us from our trouble. He will honor us and satisfy us in this life. He will bring us to the completion of our salvation in eternal life. All this because we choose to love Him and acknowledge His Name.
The Apostle Paul knew the reality of that kind of a relationship with God. He stated clearly to the people in the church in Corinth that he had experienced terrible and tragic circumstances. He tells them, “I have been in prison, been flogged severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.” But through it all continues to trust in the deliverance of God.
At the beginning of his letter to the church at Corinth he had laid the foundation of deliverance. In chapter 11 he was giving the specifics, but he had already told them the outcome of it all. He said in chapter 1 verse 10, “He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us.” WOW! He remembered how the Lord had delivered him in the past. He was convinced that the Lord would deliver him in the presence. He had set his hope – his certainty – on the faithfulness of God to deliver him in the future. No current physical circumstance could change his emotional state because his mind was convinced that God would deliver him because of his spiritual condition.
That is a powerful statement worthy of remembrance and application to our own lives. No current physical circumstance can change your emotional state if your mind is convinced that God will deliver you because of your spiritual relationship with Him. If you are in Christ and have surrendered your life to Him for salvation, you have been delivered from sin. As a result, the Holy Spirit of God lives in you and is constantly delivering you from the influence of sin upon your mind and your emotions. Even though sin is around you, it does not need to affect you. You can choose to listen to the sin or the Spirit. Daily deliverance comes from listening and surrendering to the Spirit of God. You are being delivered from sin and its influence today. Then one day, maybe soon, we who are in Christ will all be delivered from even the presence of sin around us when we meet Jesus face to face in God’s glorious presence.
There will be no last scene to your life leaving doubt as to the presence of evil. No more nightmares of terror. No more fear. God’s deliverance is complete. Start trusting it, and in case you aren’t – start living like you have been delivered.
Pastor John
Daily Devotions
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Current Study: A to Z
Today’s Topic: Celebrate Cancellations
Today’s Scripture: Ephesians 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.
Cancelled. One word that elicits emotions ranging from disappointment to delight. It all depends on expectations. The cancellation of events and activities that had expectations of benefit brings disappointment. Disappointment may even become anger when the weekend getaway is cancelled because of sickness, or the ski trip is canceled because of lack of snow, or when any anticipated escape from the stress of normal life is cancelled for any reason. We mope around and pout like little kids when the golfing or fishing day is ruined by thunderstorms, or the shopping trip is interrupted by car trouble. We hate cancellations of things that we anticipate will benefit us. We wish we would have heard the word postponed instead of cancelled, because that would at least leave us with the hope that our expectations will be realized at a later time.
But we love cancellations of things that hurt us or that we are just plain tired of. We had snow overnight last night. How many teachers and students woke up this morning hoping for the cancellation of school? How many AWANA and youth workers in our churches are excited when the weather forces us to cancel Wednesday night activities? What if – boy this is a stretch – as a part of the economic stimulus package all taxes due for 2008 were cancelled? The cancellation of things that contribute to our stress or hurt us in some way is seen as good, and we respond with delight. We don’t ever want to hear the word postponed in these situations. We want the cancellation to be final.
The Bible speaks of both cancellations and postponements. For those of us who are in Christ, the cancellations are delightful. For those who are not in Christ, the postponements are destructive. Let’s look at the postponements first.
We have been told in Scripture that the wrath of God is coming on all those who think they are getting away with their lives of sin (Colossians 3:5-6). People will be going about their normal lifestyles thinking all is well, when in reality the judgment of their sin by God is just being postponed (Luke 17:26-30). Rich people who trust in their wealth may seem satisfied and secure today, but their destruction is only being postponed (James 5:1-3). It may seem like the wicked are succeeding, but their day is coming (Psalm 37:10-13).
Don’t worry, I won’t leave you on this downer for long. But the truth is that for those living according to the flesh, seeking to satisfy the desires of their sinful heart, and perceived success and security is false, and the ultimate consequences of their choices are only being postponed. Why? Because God is providing them additional opportunities to connect with Him and repent of their sins. Then, just as is true for us, when they come to Christ, their debt to God will be cancelled.
Christ’s cancellations are delightful. Let’s spend a few moments rejoicing in what God has cancelled because of the work of Jesus Christ on the cross.
§ The law that made us guilty of sin has been cancelled! When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having cancelled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross. (Colossians 2:13-15)
§ The first covenant of sacrifice was cancelled so that we could be made holy in Christ by His sacrifice once and for all! He cancels the first covenant in order to establish the second. And what God wants is for us to be made holy by the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all time. (Hebrews 10:9-10)
§ Death has been cancelled so that we might have eternal life! Therefore thus says the Lord GOD, “Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone, a tested stone, A costly cornerstone for the foundation, firmly placed. He who believes in it will not be disturbed…Your covenant with death will be cancelled.” (Isaiah 28:16-18)
§ The debt of sin has been cancelled so that we can be made heirs in the family of God! Like a will that takes effect when someone dies, the new covenant was put into action at Jesus’ death. His death marked the transition from the old plan to the new one, cancelling the old obligations and accompanying sins, and summoning the heirs to receive the eternal inheritance that was promised them. He brought together God and his people in this new way. (Hebrews 9:16-17, The Message)
How delightful! Everything that kept me from a fully restored relationship with Almighty God has been cancelled. Sin is forgiven. Its debt of death has been fully paid by Another. Eternal life has been granted. Christ’s cancellations at the cross have confirmed me as a child of God forever. Hallelujah! Let’s celebrate cancellations!
Pastor John
Daily Devotions
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Current Study: A to Z
Today’s Topic: Birthdays and Blessings
Today’s Scripture: Ephesians 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.
Would you all please join me in a little song? Everyone together now – Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday Pastor Paul. Happy Birthday to you. Thank you. Today is my dad’s 84th birthday, and he is still actively involved in ministry at his own church as a part-time pastor of visitation, and still goes out several Sundays a month to preach at a couple of country churches in South Dakota. How appropriate that his birthday falls on our “b” day. I have an idea that would really bless him. I know many of you don’t have any idea who my dad is, but that doesn’t really matter. He is your spiritual brother by spiritual birth, so let’s bless him. Send him a quick email and thank him for his almost 60 years of ministry, and wish him a happy birthday. Here’s the address – pr525@wat.midco.net.
Birthdays are fun. The older I get the less I want to count how many I’ve had, but they are still fun. The reasons for the fun change with age as well. When we were young it was all about presents and cake. Then it became more about friends and food. Now, as we mature, it becomes more about the celebration of a life being lived well. I would much rather hear stories about how my life has touched others for Christ than to get presents. I guess I’m getting old, but the blessings of birthdays are in the celebration of a life more than in the receiving of gifts.
The same is true of our spiritual birthday. It is a combination of the celebration of life and the receiving of gifts. In fact, it is the gift of life that we celebrate. Real life. The life of Jesus born in us who by faith have received His gift of grace. His life is transforming. His life is eternal. His life is ours!
Then, as if that gift wasn’t enough, we are overwhelmed with additional blessings. In fact, the Apostle Paul tells us we have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in Christ. He refers to them in Ephesians 1. Look at the list:
Are you feeling blessed yet? Need more? Here you go. We have been blessed with…
I’m going to have a serious time and space issue here if I don’t stop right now. Did you know that there are over 500 verses in the Bible that refer to the blessings of God that He gives us? So why are we so bummed most of the time? If you tried really hard could you come up with 500 reasons why life is a burden? I think not! In the words of Psalm 42 – Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Why not take a good Bible concordance today and look up the words “bless” ,“blessing”, and “blessed”. Then look up the phrase “give you”. You’ll discover for yourself that the life of Christ in you has brought every spiritual blessing to you. It’s time to start counting your blessings.
It’s a whole lot more fun to focus on blessings than burdens. That’s what birthdays are all about, and every day is the right day to celebrate the blessings of your spiritual birthday.
Pastor John
Daily Devotions
Monday, February 16, 2009
Current Study: A to Z
Today’s Topic: Spiritual Abundance
Today’s Scripture: John 10:10 I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
I have a granddaughter who just turned five. Three days a week she attends a wonderful pre-school in our city. Every Monday is letter day. They are learning more than just the alphabet. They are learning the sounds the letters make and words that begin with that letter. They are allowed to bring one item to school on letter day that represents the letter they are learning. I was so proud of her the other day on “p” day. She brought a purple princess purse. She has the van Gorkom alliteration gene.
I have an idea – let’s do our own letter days. Each day let’s study a subject from God’s Word that starts with the letters of the alphabet. Unless I hear a suggestion from you for an upcoming letter, I’ll choose the subjects. I think I can find one for every letter. Obviously, we’ll start at the beginning, with the letter “a”. I’ve chosen Abundance as our subject.
It seems that abundance is being taken from us – at least from a cultural and governmental standpoint. Unemployment, debt, and prices are on the rise while spendable income shrinks. Fear is captivating the hearts of people who placed their hope for the future in the financial markets. Discouragement degenerates into despair. The desire to be delivered demands and authorizes increased debt. The promise of being bailed out appeals to the need for immediate gratification, when in reality it only prolongs the problem. When seen through the lens of personal prosperity, the picture looks bleak.
But the Bible speaks of unlimited abundance that cannot be taken away. It is an abundance that provides hope when all seems hopeless. It produces peace when all is in turmoil. It offers security that overcomes fear. It brings spiritual prosperity that satisfies more deeply than financial prosperity. It is the abundance of life in Christ Jesus.
Our problem isn’t that abundance is being taken from us – our problem is that we are looking for it in the wrong places. Physical and financial abundance never produce peace and joy. They don’t motivate perseverance and self-control. They can’t, because all of those things are fruits of the Spirit of God in our lives. All attempts to use physical and financial abundance to bring security will fail, because everything physical and financial will eventually fail. Only the abundance of the life of Christ in us will never fail. Jesus warned us about this when He said, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” (Luke 12:15)
However, just take a look at the abundance that is promised us in Christ.
Now that’s a lot of abundance! That should change some attitudes about life. Hey, that would have been a great word to study today – attitude. Maybe another day.
Pastor John
Daily Devotions
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Current Study: Love
Today’s Topic: Love Means No Strings
Today’s Scripture: Ephesians 2:8-9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.
Love languages are not designed to be yo-yo’s. If you think they are, then you are the yo-yo. You see, a yo-yo is a toy with a string attached. When that string is attached to your finger, the toy will return to you after you give it away. Some people spend their lives in the world of yo-yo relationships because they think love has strings attached.
By definition, love languages have no strings attached. Let’s take a quick look at the definition of a love language. This may sound pretty simplistic, but it’s important. The name itself reveals two intertwined elements. The first is, obviously, love. The second is communication. To put it simply, a love language is how love is communicated to someone else. But the key to really understanding this is the word love. Real love is all about the other person and not about self. For real love to be effectively communicated it must be spoken in the language of the recipient, not the giver. This is vital for us to understand. Love cannot be sufficiently communicated to another person when done in the most meaningful way to the giver. It must be done in the way it will be fully understood by the receiver. The communication of real love must be all about the one you love, and not about self.
There are two love languages left – physical touch and giving gifts. Just the mention of them brings out the importance of understanding the definition we just gave. These two love languages provide multiple yo-yo opportunities. We must cut the strings. Physical touch and the giving of gifts are not about what feels good to you, but what will be understood as true love to the other person. For true love to be experienced there must be certain emotional and physical responses in place. Love will create a sense of security and trust. Love produces the assurance of unconditional acceptance. Love will bring transparency and openness based on that acceptance and security. And just to be really clear, for the physical elements of love to be fully appreciated, these emotional and psychological elements must be in place first. This must be the goal of even the language of physical touch. In case you’re wondering, the love language of physical touch is not a synonym for sex. Sorry guys!
That brings up another important point to remember – love languages can never be motivated by the need to receive a benefit. That would be the yo-yo’s way of thinking. If you are attempting to speak the love language of your spouse so that they will respond with something you want, then your attempt to show true love is wrong. You are using a yo-yo. Love is about unconditionally giving yourself to the other person with no strings attached. Will there be benefits? You bet! But they are the product of the sincere expression of love, not the selfish one. Those benefits can only be fully experienced if you know they came back to you freely and not as a result of the string you had attached.
On Saturday, many of you will give gifts to express your love for your valentine. Some of you will expect some physical touch in return. Quick, get on your knees right now and address this issue with God. He gave the world the ultimate gift of love in Jesus Christ knowing that from the majority of the human race He would receive nothing in return. Believe me when I tell you that gifts given with even unspoken strings attached will soon be discarded, because the strings are obvious to the receiver. You cannot hide that kind of secret motivation for long! Pray that God’s grace will overwhelm you with a true spirit of love that gives everything and expects nothing.
As I sit at my desk, there is a picture on the wall right in front of me. It is a picture of me sitting with a Cajun man named Raymond. Last year, when I was in his village on the bayou of Louisiana, I had the marvelous privilege of praying with him as he surrendered his life to Jesus. The picture shows me sitting next to him in the fellowship hall of the church with my arm around his shoulder. It was a physical touch of love that demonstrated unconditional acceptance and security to him. That was my only intent. That was a physical touch of love.
Try that with your spouse. Prove to him or her that your touches have no ulterior motives other than to express the assurance of unconditional acceptance. Give gifts that have meaning to them and not you. Be creative. Then before you give the gift or attempt the touch, make sure you have disconnected all strings. Don’t be a yo-yo.
Pastor John
Daily Devotions
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Current Study: Love
Today’s Topic: Love Means Spending Time
Today’s Scripture: John 16:6-7 Because I have said these things, you are filled with grief. But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.
It was so cute. She came walking into the house pretending to be holding on to a leash. As the door started to close behind her she yelled, “Don’t let the door slam on my crocodile.” I quickly grabbed the door as she walked by pulling the imaginary leash attached to her new imaginary friend. For weeks afterward she never went anywhere without him. He was soon joined by two imaginary lions and a bumble bee. She would make up stories about each one and include them in all of her play time. She knew that each one existed somewhere in real life, but everything about her friends was made up to fit her needs and purposes. We think we have figured out why. Our granddaughter made imaginary friends with everything she was afraid of to calm her fears.
Some people do that with God. They know He exists somewhere out there, but they simply conform Him to fit their own goals or calm their own fears. All of the time they claim to spend with Him is just imaginary play time to please themselves. They have never spent any real time with Him because they still fear the changes He may bring to their lives. There is no true relationship, and certainly no intimacy.
When God first created mankind, He walked and talked with them for real in the Garden of Eden. There was intimacy because there was the sharing of quality time. When sin broke that intimacy, God sent Jesus to re-establish contact. Try to imagine what your relationship with God would be like right now if all record of God contacting man was erased. It would not be considered anything but an imaginary relationship if we had no history upon which to validate God’s character through His interaction with man, and if we had no possible way of spending time with Him today. Relationships require relating. Relating requires reality. The reality is that God sent Jesus to earth to reconcile our broken relationship by relating to us.
The disciples had three years worth of relating to the reality of God revealed in Jesus. Their testimony becomes the history upon which we can know the reality of His existence. But there is so much more. When the time came for Jesus to return to His position of glory at the Father’s right hand, his disciples were scared. They didn’t want to be left alone. Jesus understood their need for ongoing relationship, and gave them an incredible gift – the indwelling and never ending gift of quality time through the presence of His Holy Spirit. He would be in them and with them forever. As great as they thought it was to have a physical relationship with Jesus, they were about to experience something greater – Christ in them. Always. Constant quality time.
The third love language is, as you’ve guessed by now, quality time. It is where true intimacy is developed. Face to face, eyeball to eyeball, heart to heart time. Imaginary time brings zero intimacy. Phone calls and emails only bring limited intimacy. The fullness of intimacy can only be experienced through quality time in personal contact with a real person. We desperately need it in our marriages. Our kids and grandkids need it consistently. We need it for ourselves. There can be no true intimacy without it.
The depth of our intimacy is accurately measured by our commitment to quality time. Our relationship with God proves it. Take away all of the other love languages and leave only this one, and intimacy would still grow. The disciples lost their physical touch of Jesus. There would be no more giving of gifts except for His indwelling presence. They would no longer hear His words of affirmation. Jesus would no longer be there to serve them. Yet Jesus said that it would be good for them to not have any of those things so that they might experience the wonder of quality time. Jesus knew that the highest level of intimacy with God would be found in the constant companionship of the Holy Spirit. Jesus invested in quality time.
But wait – intimacy must be a two-way street. We must also invest in quality time with Him, as well as others. It’s fairly easy to take relationships for granted. We’re in the same house together. If we’re married we sleep in the same bed together. We eat together. We talk about the activities of the day together. But when do we really spend time talking about heart issues? Can we really say that our love and intimacy with one another are growing? Do we really believe that our love and intimacy with God is growing as well when we don’t spend quality time getting to know His heart?
There is no greater gift of intimacy you can give to the one you love than the gift of quality time. Sure, we’re all busy. But really – are we too busy to love? So make a commitment today to get growing. Grow in your love and intimacy with Christ by spending quality time with Him. Don’t take His presence in you for granted. Then do the same with your spouse, your kids, your extended family, and your friends. Long after the activities and gifts are gone, they will remember the time you spent with them.
Pastor John
Daily Devotions
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Current Study: Love
Today’s Topic: Love Means Serving
Today’s Scripture: John 13:1 It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.
Others. It is the one word that I think best describes love. It was certainly the way love was expressed in the life of Jesus. His life was all about others. How can real love be about anything but others? True love is the denial of self. True love is expressed in the service of others.
For three years Jesus had taught and modeled the principles of the kingdom of God to the disciples. He had shown them the love of God. He had sacrificed his time and energy for the sake of others. He had compassionately met the needs of others. And now, as the time drew near for Him to offer His life as the perfect sacrifice for our sin, He would show us the full extent of His love. He would humble himself and become a servant.
It is so easy for us to get self-absorbed. Life tends to be a downward spiral into serving self. The pace and demands of life catch us like an undertow and drag us down. We use every ounce of energy we have just to try and stay on the surface. At times we feel like we are trapped in a whirlpool that is spinning us in a tighter and tighter circle around self-preservation and self-fulfillment. As we approach the dark hole in the middle from which there is no return, our focus is less and less on the calm waters outside the whirlpool and more and more on the darkness approaching. We are about to become totally absorbed in self.
But look at the life of Jesus. As the time for His own glory grew closer he became more absorbed by the lives of others. As the pressures of life mounted, He spent more quality time with others. As the rejection and persecution by people He loved increased, so did His concern for their well-being. When we would be focused on protecting self, He was focused on serving others. Jesus lived this way because He chose to be motivated by love. Love always puts others ahead of self. Love always serves others.
The second of the five love languages I have chosen to address is Acts of Service. When Jesus wanted to model the full extent of His love for His disciples, He became their servant. He had taught them this principle earlier in His ministry when He said, “The Son of Man has come not to be served, but to serve.” He had loved them and others that way consistently. But now was the time He would model the completeness of that love. Twelve men who had committed to three years of personal training for ministry by the Master, were now gathered for a meal. In their preparations no one had remembered to hire servants. Not one of them considered that role for themselves. As they entered for the meal, and removed their sandals, not one of them thought about the necessity to wash the dust off their feet so they would be clean as they reclined around the table together. They had not yet learned to be fully focused on others. They were still self-absorbed.
To show them the true heart of love as manifested in service to others, He got up, removed His outer garment, took a basin of water and a towel, and proceeded to wash the disciple’s feet. He washed all of them, including the one who would betray Him. He showed them the full extent of love by performing an act of service even for the one who was undeserving. His life was all about others.
Yesterday we talked about the words of love. They are necessary, but not independently adequate. Words must always be confirmed by action to be understood as truth.
There is a deadly disease that destroys relationships. I suffer from a severe case of it right now. I think many of you do also. I have named it MoFaValBirChrisaryosis. Call it Holiosis for short. It’s a disease that damages our relationships at least 359 days per year. That’s because we tend to only show expressions of love on holidays – Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Birthdays, Christmas, and Anniversaries. We go out of our way – maybe – to make that day special, and then hope that the overflow of love will keep the tank full until the next holiday. In reality, those holiosis expressions of love are merely self-centered attempts to create an image of love, because for 359 other days of the year we live self-absorbed lives. There is only one cure for this disease – daily acts of service and expressions of love.
Love is a lifestyle. Jesus proved it. He did it by always thinking of others first. His love in us will be proven by our service to others.
Pastor John
Daily Devotions
Monday, February 09, 2009
Current Study: Love
Today’s Topic: Say the Words
Today’s Scripture: 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love.
Today on my favorite morning radio show – which I only get to listen to for a few minutes as I drive to the office – the two hosts were debating whether or not men like to receive Valentine’s Day gifts. Mark believed they do. Matt said they didn’t. Mark said men need to hear that they are loved. Matt said it’s all about the man showing the woman she is loved. At one point Matt even said, “Valentine’s Day is so girly!”
Well, I have to side with Mark on this one. Valentine’s day is about the expression of love. Now historically it may be true that the emphasis has been on what men do for women, but women want to express their love as much as men do. Maybe Matt isn’t so concerned about getting a gift or a card because gifts and words of affirmation are not his love languages. Have you ever studied the love languages? In case you haven’t, we’re going to take a quick look at them this Valentine’s week so you have the information you need to express your love in the most appropriate way. After all, you don’t want the expression of your love to go unnoticed or unappreciated.
According to author Gary Chapman there are five love languages, and we all track heavily towards one of them. The five languages are –
§ Words of Affirmation
§ Quality Time
§ Receiving Gifts
§ Acts of Service
§ Physical Touch
If you want to study them in detail, go to http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html. I want to share just a few suggestions from each of them this week. Because the main issue on this morning’s radio show started with the subject of cards, let’s begin with the love language of words – words of affirmation.
This morning I received an email from a famous pastor. It wasn’t a personal one – it was his weekly devotional he writes. Here’s what James MacDonald of Walk In The Word has to say about the language of love.
One of the most powerful ways to communicate love to the people in your life is with words. Words matter. Yes, actions are necessary to back them up, but at the end of the day, you’ve just got to get some things said. Make it your goal to get these four phrases in your weekly, if not daily, vocabulary:
1: I love you.
Men, the key is to say it deliberately. Don’t mumble it into the phone and then hang up. “Whew. I said it and it didn’t get messy at all.” Yeah well, it needs to get a little messy. Get her in your arms, look in her eyes, and get it said: “I love you.” Or pull your kids to you, no matter their age and speak the words. They may fidget, but they’ll remember and be altered by your genuine expressions of love.
2: I need you.
I’ve been praying that the bedrooms of every married couple reading this will ring with these words. How about it, men? In your private moments, tell that woman who has stood by you how much you need her. Go ahead: “My actions may sometimes communicate the opposite, but I want you to know that I know I really need you.”
3: There is no one like you.
OK, ladies. Every man is one among millions. At work, he’s one among thousands. At church, he’s one among hundreds. So when he walks through that door each night, he desperately needs to know he is your one and only. He’s first, highest, and best. Tell him.
And that leads to . . .
4: I thank God for you.
Tell your beloved spouse, children, and parents that they are a gift from God to you. Better yet, pray aloud together. Let them overhear you tell the Lord how grateful you are that God gave them to you. Wives, tell your husband, “Honey, you’ve worked so hard lately and I so appreciate the way you try to take care of our family and the energy and effort that you put into providing for us. Thanks for being a faithful man.” Husbands, look for your opportunities to say, “Babe, thanks for one of the greatest meals I have ever had. What you made tonight was fit for a king.” And after she picks herself up off the floor, she’ll be like, “Uh, thanks.”
Get the words said. Yes, it really matters. Expressing your love is a huge piece of making your spouse and your family the priority, lifelong relationship that God designed for you and that you all desperately want.
Great stuff. Let’s put it into practice. Let’s start speaking the language of love. Come on – say the words.
Pastor John
Daily Devotions
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Current Study: Reconciliation
Today’s Topic: Pursue Peace
Today’s Scripture: Romans 12:17-21 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends upon you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Sometimes it’s just not possible. Our best attempts at reconciliation are met with stiff resistance. We cannot help but wonder – “How far should I go to make things right?”
So what’s the answer? How far should we go to bring peace? I know for myself there have been times in my life when I just didn’t have anything left to make things right. I think I struggle with this issue because somehow I was led to believe that I am responsible for other people’s choices. As a result, I developed a dysfunctional need to fix everything. That’s okay when I’m working on a dryer or a dishwasher, but not with people.
I was challenged with this a couple of weeks ago when I received an email from a reader who shared how she misunderstood this aspect of reconciliation. She said, As a very young child there was a lot of yelling in my family. I tried to be the peacemaker by making excuses for everyone’s behavior. If that didn’t work, I’d apologize for whatever was wrong just to stop the fighting.
What the Father pointed out to me was that I was reinforcing Satan’s lie that I deserved no better than to be treated this way. My whole life I have, in effect, accepted responsibility for others actions so that they wouldn’t feel bad and would have a way to save face. I tried to keep the peace. I came to realize that I wasn’t doing anyone any favors and maybe doing more harm than good. It’s not up to me to make excuses for anyone’s transgressions. It is my place to say “That hurt” and forgive them. Or “I’m sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me”. Just like the Father does for me.
In an attempt to feel good about herself, this reader was actually prolonging a lie that actually made matters worse. The truth is that we are not responsible for the choices of others. We are only responsible for ours. When the Bible calls us to be peacemakers we are not to confuse that role with that of an enabler. Taking responsibility for another person’s choices and actions only enables the behavior to continue. That’s not true reconciliation. Reconciliation isn’t real unless both parties agree. That can’t happen unless both parties take personal responsibility for their own choices and actions. It isn’t peace if both parties in the dispute aren’t brought to a point of repentance for their own actions. We must stop sugar-coating our choices and the choices of others, and we must not fix the consequences until the full lesson has been learned. That should be true not only in our relationships as adults, but it sounds like a good guideline for proper parenting as well.
Our Scripture passage today emphasizes this point of personal responsibility when the Apostle Paul writes, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” It’s pretty obvious that we are only responsible for our own choices. We are charged with living in peace with others. We are not charged with forcing others to live in peace with us.
Sometimes they won’t respond with peace towards us. When they reject our attempts at peace, I see three possible responses we could have. First, we could retaliate. For an example of this and how God taught King David a lesson, read the story in 1 Samuel 25. Our Scripture passage above makes it clear that we are not to take revenge in any form.
Second, we might try to manipulate the situation to bring what looks like peace. This may involve things we’ve mentioned before like taking false responsibility for an action or by lessening the severity of the action or the hurt it caused. This type of dishonesty does not bring true peace.
Third, we can continue to love – not only in thought and feeling, but in activity. This is the only correct response to people’s rejection of our attempts at reconciliation. We must not deceive ourselves into believing that we are truly living at peace with everyone if that peace is in word only. There must be specific activities of good intentionally directed at our enemies if the evil is to be overcome.
Surrounding the story of King David in 1 Samuel 25 are two other stories of David’s relationship with King Saul. Saul had chosen to be the enemy of David. Twice, once in 1 Samuel 24 and once in 1 Samuel 26, David spares King Saul’s life. Read those stories. When you’re done, put the lessons learned from all three stories together and you will discover the truths of Romans 12:17-21.
We have not been commanded to do something impossible. By the grace of God present in our lives, we can live at peace with everyone.
Pastor John
LifeLink 